Friday, January 2, 2009

what is considered as cheating?

Hi everyone.. back again typing the fuck away.. LMFAO.. dont mind me.. im in a lil bit of a crazy mood tonight.. its pissing down outside.. and im in just the rite frame of mind to be babbling on.. anyways.. what i wanna talk about here is what do we consider cheating and what we dont..
To illustrate my point i wanna tell you about a real life situation that occured between me and my last bf.. we've been broken up now for almost... gee.. 7 years.. cant believe its been that long..and i hope you can relate to my story and i'll allow you to be the judge of the consequences..
anyways.. it was a Saturday morning.. and i was at work.. i was working as a doctors receptionist at the time.. and i got a phone call from him telling me not to freak out over the phone bill.. i said wot do you mean?.. and he started to tell me that his been norty and has been calling sex phone lines for a few weeks.. WHAT?? WTF do you mean youve been calling sex phone lines??.. i was really upset and felt so let down.. but i had to keep my concentration coz i had to deal with the patients.. and i couldnt allow myself to get into a state.. so i said i cant talk and i'll see him later.. omg.. my head was racing.. i felt sweaty .. my heartbeat increased.. and i had a burning desire to kick him in the balls so bad.. fuckin bastard.. i was fuming inside.. for the rest of the day i had visions of him.. calling and wanking to the girls he was speaking to.. and the more i thought about it the more crazier i was becoming.. i couldnt wait to get outta there and tear him apart..

my mind was playing me.. so much.. that i even turned my focus on me.. and started to feel that i was the cause of his diversions.. like he no longer liked me.. i turned him off.. i was no longer attractive enuff to him.. and a hundred and one other nasty self-destructive thoughts.. the more i thought of these the more upset and confused i was getting.. OMG the visions just wouldnt stop.. i was picturing the moment of orgasm and what he must be going tru his head during and after it.. did he feel any remorse?.. was he discusted with himself?.. did he enjoy it that much?.. what was he thinking when she made him cum? was he thinking of me or her?.. fuck he doesnt even know her .. so does that mean he would be willing to do it with just anyone?.. so freely??. fuck what was going thru that sikk fuckin head of his... ??.. i wanted to know.. and demanded to know.. by this time my visions and thoughts were driving me insane.. i couldnt think about anything but that.. damn him to hell i was saying to myself..

how the fuck dare he.. i mean.. HOW THE FUCK DARE HE.. if i was to stop and tell you about our sex life i would have to make this a xxx rated blog.. so i wont do that.. but what i will tell you is that we were both kinky and horny.. and i gave him EVERYTHING he wanted sexually.. so why he felt he needed to do this i couldnt understand..

now a few of you might say.. "But Its A Guy Thing".. but i disagree.. to me i felt that i had been cheated on.. maybe a lil drastic way to put it but yes thats how it made me feel.. even thou i can imagine what the girl must of been doing as shes making him horny.. prolly laying back smoking with her hair in rollers.. no make up.. pj's on.. slippers.. nuthing like the pic he must paint in his head of her.. but it wasnt about that.. it was about the fact he needed to get off on the words and vision of sumone else.. and wanking over it.. grrrrr the more these thoughts spun around my head the angrier i got..

finally after work that day.. i attempted to have a calm conversaton about everything.. but ended up yelling... he didnt say a word and only hung his head down in shame.. allowing me to feel i had penetrated whatever guilt he held and was right in wot i was saying.. he told me it had nuthing to do with me.. and that he was happy with our sex life and that he never cheated on me .. but he was curious to try it to see what it was like.. i wanted him to scream back and come out with the truth even if the moment was heated.. coz the truth has a habit of revealing itself in situations like that.. i mean look at how many times we've been engaged in a heated moment and said things we things we dont mean.. but hey.. why do they slip out?.. must be sum truth behind it.. like a pent up truth waiting to explode.. i grabbed the phone bill and discovered 23 fucking sex calls.. with the bill being close to $1000.. fuckin bastard.. how dare he have the nerve to say he was only trying it out?.. fuck.. it doesnt seem to me 23 times was just trying it out... it seemed to me that he was enjoying it so he continued..

he said he was sorry and it wouldnt happen again.. but i didnt believe him.. the only reason he confessed i told him was because i would be seeing the phone bill too when it arrived and he would of been caught out.. so he thought he would get to me first in the hope i would feel better that he confessed... but i didnt.. back and forth the screaming continued on my part... it was doing my head in and felt i needed to get out and think.. so i took off in my car and drove to my usual parking haunt to do it.. i was out for about ohh say an hour before i decided to come back home.. and instinct just told me.. i bet he is using the sex line again while i was out.. and just to confirm i was rite decided to park the car on the street a lil further away and "creep" into the house.. i found the back door unlocked so i crept in.. and tip toed to our bedroom.. he was in there with the door closed... so i pressed my ear against the door.. and i could hear him on the phone.. talking diry and god knows what else..

i stood there what seemed like ages.. and felt the sting of tears forming in my eyes.. i couldnt believe what was happening.. why does he need to go to these extremes to satisfy his lust and cost us hundreds in the process.. and on top of that be very sneaky about it.. all this was creating a whirlpool in my mind.. and i didnt know what the right thing to do was.. should i just go?.. or should i burst in and confront him?.. i tried to picture me doing both.. and which would be best.. but that only made the tears flow even more.. fuck him i thought.. his gonna get what he deserves rite here and now.. im not going to stand for my bf doing that behind my back everytime im away.. NO FUCKING WAY!! so i burst open the door..

I found him laying on OUR bed with the phone in his ear.. half naked and wanking his cock hard.. .. OMG.. OMG.. OMG.. just that scene playing in my head as i sprung him gave me the strongest urge to grab the nearest gun if i had one and shoot the bastard dead.. but i didnt have a gun so i grabbed the next best thing.. i ripped the phone straight outta the wall while she was still on the line and walked up and smashed it across his back.. it broke into tiny pieces.. shattering onto the floor.. i just stood there.. blinded by anger and rage with tears streaming .. saying what the fuck was he doing??.. comon cunt watcha gonna do?.. he got up still erect and whacked me back across my cheek.. which sent me reeling.. but fortunately didnt register.. i was that pent up with an uncontrollable fury.. i couldnt feel anything.. and which made me head for him again.. using my nails to scratch the fuck outta his face.. we ended up going at each other.. the more we fought the more i went at him and finally got the opportunity to kick him square in the nuts.. and he went down...

that didnt stop me.. i continued to kick him .. stomp on him.. and even spat on him.. telling him to never humiliate me again i took the phone in pieces and left to go to my gf's leaving him there doubled up in excruciating pain.... i needed to calm down and talk it over with sumone..

ok.. what do you think peeps?.. was my judgement harsh?.. do you think i had a valid argument?.. Is this considered cheating?.. would any of you consider it cheating??.. How would you react if you sprung your bf wanking openly?.. and found out it wasnt just once or twice but fuckin 23 times?... well i feel like it was cheating.. even thou no physical contact was made.. still its the INTENTION.. and the sneakiness and the secretiveness.. all makes up what i consider being made a fool of... ok for the guys here.. how would you feel if you sprung your gf talking dirty on the phone with another guy?.. esp if your sex life is just fantastic.. and she did it all behind your back and you found out?.. i dont think you would like it much.. am i rite?

that was then and this is now.. i dont have a bf now and ive had the opportunity to engage in a few erotic chats and cybers myself since.. and watch live cam shows.. and i have a lil more relaxed attitude.. and am a bit more understanding... however that scene i walked in on is forever etched in my mind and it still burns me.. and i feel if i ever caught my bf doing that again i wouldnt stand for it.. only because of my previous reaction and experience with it.. but i also have diverted blame away from myself.. you see girls.. its not about you.. it never is... he doesnt do it coz his dissatisfied or gone off you.. its just another outlet for his masturbation fantasies.. just like if he was to go into the bathroom in the mornings and have a wank before he takes off for work... so he doesnt have to wake you up... its his lil dirty secret and way to release his sexual perversions without going out to get it..

i often wondered if he kept doing it after our confrontation but now it doesnt bother me.. i have accepted it didnt have anything to do with me.. quite different at the time when afterwards i would take the phone with me if i was going out without him... i hated him for putting me in that position.. and it was a bit drastic but it was nessassary for my peace of mind...

the best way to handle it is talk it over and let him explain the reasons behind his actions.. and tell him also how it makes you feel... he should respect you enuff to make you feel at least a lil more at ease and trusting.. if he is honest.. its a lil difficult to know how to handle it.. esp when youve walked in on it.. maybe it would have been different if you didnt have to see it... but then again we all know what goes thru our minds when we find out stuff... we imagine the worst.. and its usually more inflamed.. imagining all sorts of things he would be doing seceretively.. and it only serves to eat at you and get you more upset and untrusting.. so let it go girls.. its not your problem..

is it reason enuff to split over?.. well thats sumthing you have to decide.. but also ask yourselves if you love the guy and is he worth it?.. and can you handle it?.. coz most prolly he would wanna keep doing it when your not there.. so would you be comfortable with that?.. if you answer no to all these then maybe its best to have a lil break with each other.. and see where things are in a few weeks.. its all up to you...