Friday, June 22, 2012

dont look for mr perfect- create him!

Many women are just too picky when it comes to their choice of a life partner.. we want a man of our dreams.. good looking, charming, considerate, loving, respectful.. and who are we to blame ourselves? we are fed a constant diet of Hollywood romances in which the actors have had powder dusted on their blemishes.. the plot always has them coming together so perfectly.. and the ending has them always living happily ever after and to top it all off.. they always seem to arouse our melancholy romantic mood with soft stirring background music.. rather than holding out for a perfect romantic fantasy.. we should be settling for a ' Mr Good Enough '
So if you really want to be happy you need a decent sense of reality..

But 'settling' ooowah... not that dreaded word.. the word 'settling' resounds with 'less' doesnt it? and who wants to be viewed as less right? we all have got some good and not so good habits.. the very nature of this life is that everything comes in polarities.. you know.. the up/downs.. in/outs.. male/female.. and everyone possesses the positive/negatives in one form or another.. you cannot avoid unpleasant characteristics.. it all makes up the type of people we are..
However, settling for less demeans the 'settlee' and drags down the 'settler' so viewing your partner for less is hardly going to enhance or improve your relationship..

In fact.. words are terribly important.. language is actually the one thing we use to define our experiences.. we name and describe our experiences in words.. we respond to our words with feelings.. and then we act out our feelings in our lives..
So since words are the foundations of our experiences.. it makes alot of sense to use them purposefully.. you cant very well go around saying.. "I feel awful".. "Nothing good ever happens to me" .. and expect to feel fabulous.. youve got to be conscious about what your saying and use the words you'd like to experience.. this is not some inspiring idea called 'positive thinking' .. no.. its just plain common sense..

Heres a good one.. "I need love".. ok.. we ALL need love.. its a basic human pre-requisite for blossoming.. but if we've got an "I need love" inhibit going on in the backs of our minds.. we are setting ourselves up for misery.. "I choose love".. "I desire love".. re-design your own statement and pay attention to the feeling it creates..

So if words have such an important bearing on our attitudes and experiences.. the way we think about our partners is significant.. to be honest i wouldn't like to be with someone who 'settled' for me.. the negative connocations are fashioned both ways right?.. the fact is when we dont think we're worth much.. we dont deserve much.. so we are unlikely to attract a really warm mate..

I believe the 'blues' are really gifts wrapped in paper.. if we can peel the deceptive wrapper away.. underneath lies the gift... heres how language comes into it.. changing "Im sick of this" into "I deserve better".. your self talk changes so does your self image and self esteem.. you practically coach yourself into a new headspace.. instead of 'settling' try 'choosing' it gives way to a much better feeling.. so hanging out for Mr Right isnt the smartest of moves.. the purpose of a healthy relationship is not nesassarily happiness but one of growth.. and while i agree that the 'perfect' partner is a myth.. i dont believe in giving up on our dreams either.. instead try immersing yourself with your partner until he is the ideal man of your dreams..

The whole point of a relationship is to hook up with someone who 'gets' you and is wonderful.. someone who values enough of the same things as you so that you are heading in the same direction.. usually when we do.. we dont notice the imperfections.. however that person will almost always value things directly opposite to what you do.. and thats where the growth comes into it..

I assume that if you were to sit down and make a list of all the pros and cons.. you'd find plenty to appreciate.. and also plenty of opportunity for growth.. so forget about the Mr Perfect concept.. its an illusion.. forget also about 'settling' thats just demeaning to both of you.. instead consider purposively co-creating your relationship.. tackle the undesireables.. plunge into honesty and open communication.. take responsibility for being the person you want to be in your life.. instead of wishing and hoping he changes.. YOU change..

This sort of address can be quite messy and uncomfy and things dont nesassarily change overnight.. but when they do its amazing ! in the midst of all the wonderment we are always dealing with the next challenge.. but hey .. thats life.. its all about growth and development.. we are not robots manufactured in some factory waiting to be programmed.. we are living.. breathing.. human beings who deserve to be respected.. loved and challenged.. anything can be transformed.. from a lil irritating habit to a relationship breakdown.. so long as we are willing to be open .. good listeners and observers.. and appreciative of ourselves and our mates..
I believe we all choose the journey that offers us the most growth.. so dont settle.. instead.. embrace the paper parcels and start unwrapping..