Friday, January 23, 2009

tips for getting over a divorce or separation


Tips For Women Getting Over A Divorce Or Separation

A divorce can be a very painful event for women. Women are usually very family orientated, devoting their time to raising the children, supporting their partners, and maintaining the home, usually sacrificing her own career and goals for the sake of the family, so its no wonder when she finds herself in the middle of divorce proceedings, it can really throw her life into total disarray. Her future now seems bleak, and the security she once felt is shattered. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, grief, loss, and despondency.

However much sadness this brings, there are ways that can help you regain your life back and give you the confidence to look to the future with a more optimistic attitude. This article is devoted to help you realise your strengths, overcome your grief and move forward.

Emotional Healing

1) Give yourself time to heal. Time really becomes your best friend in times of adversity, a time to regroup, prioritise, and discover a few truths. Don’t be afraid to cry if you feel like it. Let it pour out, vent, beat up your pillow, throw darts onto his picture, whatever it takes to get it out, DO IT!

2) Keep up with your favourite hobbies and interests, or discover a few new ones. Indulging in any enjoyable activity helps to regain your focus, develop your talents and help you to forget your worries. Spend an afternoon walking around your neighbourhood, go to a art galleria, museum, draw, paint, write, read whatever you enjoy. Pay attention to the feeling it gives you, and relish in it. You need more of it.

3) Keep your friends close. Friends can be wonderful in times of sorrow, for a shoulder to cry on, an open heart to heart chat and friendly advise. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to people that are closest to you a good counsellor can be a healthy alternative. A good counsellor can help you explore your deeper feelings, bring forth any feelings of resentment you hold and help you release them, give you ways you can cope with your overwhelming feelings of despair and guide you on a recovery path.

4) Stop Laying The Blame. Let it go!! Whatever is in the past, let it remain there. Look forward to the new day. Any mistakes can be learnt from and be seen as a learning experience. Be kind to yourself. Learn to laugh at your shortcomings and those of others.

5) Keep a diary and make entries into it everyday. This is an important part of the healing process. To reflect, grow and move forward, to identify your emotions and make dealing with the pain a little easier. Make a weekly summary and reflect upon your achievements, aspirations, and to commence your future goal planning.

Learning To Become Independent

1) Look for work, or go back to study. This not only fills in the time, but it helps you gain financial independence. Learning to stand on your own two feet after a divorce is vitally important and one that gives you immense satisfaction. You also become a role model for your kids that projects strength and commitment.

2) Keep your dating options open. There will come a time when you will feel you want to start seeing new people. This can take a while, especially if your break-up was bitter, but eventually it will be inevitable. Start with group dates. Don’t reject a group outings invitation, you need social interaction to stay in touch and the opportunity to meet others. This will become easier to manage with time. After a while, you will probably realise why you didn’t do it sooner. Another positive PLUS!!

3) Rearrange The Furniture! Im serious, a change they say is as good as a holiday. Rearrange your bedroom, change it completely! Paint the walls, add a fresh bouquet of flowers, dress up the bed with your personal favourite items, hang exquisite art on the walls, burn incense or candles. Make it scream you!

4) Come Up With A Mantra. Make positive affirmations daily. Ive just come up with a good one. Look into the mirror and repeat as often as possible.

“My life is complete. I am a woman that has a lot to contribute and offer. I love myself and have a high expectations. I will not allow myself to de disrespected or abused. Life is so precious. I have clear defined goals. I will make my life exciting, full and rewarding. I am the centre of my universe. I will do whatever it takes to live a fulfilling quality of life. Nothing is impossible for me. I possess strength, character and courage. I am my own person.”

Powerful huh? Yes indeed.

Remember, your problems do not begin with divorce. In fact, it gives way to new challenges and opens up a whole new learning world. Take small steps, fight it out, laugh, be kind to yourself, tackle every problem in stride. You will soon see your happiness return and your problems become a thing of the past, and your success story will be an inspiration for all. All power to you!!

For more great reading on this subject I highly recommend this:

There Is A Life After Whats-His-Name