Thursday, June 17, 2010

Why Its Called A Break-Up

Why It's Called a Breakup

A few months ago, I read Greg Behrendt's book on breakups, It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken. I am a huge fan of He's Just Not That Into You, and I expected great things from the sequel.

It disappointed me. Not because the information wasn't good. Not because the style wasn't lively and engaging.

It was simply because nothing was revolutionary.

He's Just Not That Into You revolutionized my perspective on dating. Friends who read it suddenly "got" why previous relationships had dissolved. Greg explains that the simple reason why some relationships stuck together and others didn't was because the guys who are really into you want to be with you ... no matter WHAT.

Why didn't he call after the second date? He just wasn't that into you.
Why did he dump you? Because no matter how he claimed he felt about you, he just wasn't that into you.
Why should you not want him back? Because breaking up with you proved that he's not into you as much as you deserve.

The latter is the entire topic of It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.

How a woman deals with a breakup tests her emotional maturity more than any other scenario. In order to grow as a woman, you MUST learn how to deal with breakups well, without poisoning your ability to love again. That's why studying this topic is so important.

At Triple O Relationships, we receive emails from so many women wanting to know how to get their previous boyfriend back. In fact, it would be fair to say that getting an ex back is one of the top three issues women hope we'll solve.

The problem is that 99.9% of these exes aren't worth having back. Many of them are abusive, have a personal life in shambles, are already with another woman, or have proven through their actions that they're unable to act in a mature way in a relationship or make the commitment to trying to become a better person and partner.

Yet these women would prefer to be with an imperfect partner than to be alone. Of course they would.

We all prefer the demon we know. Being single again means facing the dating scene, the lack of someone to depend on, no one to cuddle with, and putting on false bravery to one's friends. It is stressful, lonely, and hard to be single. It's an emotional challenge to feel fulfilled when there is no "special someone" in your life to whom you can give the gift of your abundant love.

But Greg's answer to the situation isn't adequate, either.

In his book, Greg tells us, "You deserve better than that ex of yours. He just wasn't that into you; otherwise, he wouldn't have broken up with you. Never settle for that. Demand a man who's truly into you."

Is getting over a breakup really that simple?

I don't think it is.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in The Mastery of Love, explains that the amount of abuse we tolerate in a partner is equal to the amount of abuse we heap on ourselves. If a woman is used to telling herself that she's ugly, that she fails at everything she tries, and that she's not capable of performing in the world without someone holding her hand, then she'll accept--and even feel most comfortable with--a man who reinforces these beliefs.

For example, if your partner makes a cutting comment about the horrible dinner you cooked that night, and one of your beliefs about yourself is that you are a bad cook, then you will accept his comment and berate yourself even more for not being better in the kitchen. If, on the other hand, you feel quite self-assured about your competence in the kitchen, you will challenge him on it and refuse to let his rudeness slide.

As a result, many women find it difficult to set higher standards for themselves in the dating world without re-evaluating how well they treat themselves.

Women who have a litany of negative self-comments running through their heads will accept partners who criticize them.

Women who don't value or respect themselves will accept partners who don't value or respect them either.

So what should we do?

Greg does his best to pump up our self-esteem. He calls us all "Superfoxes." He wants all of us women grieving over breakups to believe that we are totally hot babes who deserve princes. But (to point out the obvious) Greg doesn't know each of his readers personally. Greg's belief that I am a Superfox isn't enough to transform whatever personal beliefs I have inside about myself.

The 000 Relationships perspective on breakups is much more simple. Yes, women need to improve their sense of self-worth. Yes, women need to set realistically high standards when choosing partners. However, the only thing that women need to know when a breakup occurs is this.

It wasn't meant to be.

Can I repeat that? It wasn't meant to be.

If he decides that he no longer wants to be with you, then clearly it wasn't meant to be.

Let me explain.

A relationship is composed of two people. When one of those people backs out, then there is no longer a relationship. Even if the two people decide at a later date to get back together, they aren't simply continuing the old relationship. That's over. They are starting a new relationship, with new rules, that may be completely different from what they had in the past.

The number one thing women need when a breakup occurs is faith that things are happening as they are meant to happen, according to the Divine Plan that the Divine Power has for each one of us.

For me, my faith in the Divine helps me accept when life takes a different path to the one I desire. It doesn't mean I'm fatalistic. On the contrary. When I am in a relationship, I am actively seeking to improve it, to be the best partner I can be, and to grow in love.

But I am in the relationship ONLY to give my gift of love and learn how to give that gift better. I am NOT in the relationship to ask for what I give to be given back to me.

Most people, unfortunately, operate on the barter principle of love.

I'll give you love if you give me love.

If I give you love that isn't returned, then you owe me.

If I give you love, and you throw it back in my face and walk away, then I have the right to hate you, because you're a bad person for not wanting to accept my love.

That's just plain ugly.

If you want to learn to face a breakup maturely and grow even more beautiful, more loving, and more open as a result, then this is what you need to do.

Love through the breakup. Love him. Love him even though he isn't yours. Send all your love to him as best wishes for his future. Use the opportunity to grow in love and embrace all that was best in yourself when you were with him.

Don't let the poison of the dying relationship enter your soul. Don't take away from the relationship the arguments, the hurtful things he said or did, and the mistakes made. You can forget those now. It's over.

Just take away the beautiful things. Take away how you felt in your best moments. Take away how you felt your heart open, how you learned to give him more than you'd ever given anyone else.

Then let him go with love.

I firmly believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason, and I trust that the reason lies in the Divine. I don't have to know why a man broke up with me; I simply have faith that God is leading us both down the right path for each of us.

So when a man breaks up with you, all you need to do is recognize that this particular relationship wasn't meant to be (even though you may start a new one later down the track with the same person) and let the decision rest with the Divine. Believe, if it helps, that he wasn't the one who dumped you; it was the Divine Spirit acting through him for the benefit of you both.

It's called a breakup because life has different paths for you at the moment. Breakups don't have to hurt. They're only about rejection if you make them about rejection. You have the power inside yourself to decide how you are going to make meaning of the end of your relationship.

If you are a mature woman, you will bid him goodbye and bless his future with all of your continued love, and then you will turn to the Divine and meditate on the what possible plan the Divine has for you that requires your newfound freedom.

If you are like most women, you will despise him, transform all the love you once had into hate, focus on the pain, and let your self-esteem plummet in the face of rejection.

Which choice do you prefer?

Learn More at:
How To Be Irresistable To Men

***********************************************************************************
About the author:

Amy Waterman is a professional writer specializing in attraction, dating, and relationships. She has extensive experience in helping women find love with her insightful and powerful secrets into attracting love and making relationships work. She is currently the host of the latest edition of "How To Be Irresistible To Men," which is part of the 000Relationships Network.

Her innovative program is a powerful instant-access multimedia course with a comprehensive supporting workbook. Additionally, members receive a number of bonus e-books on topics ranging from overcoming shyness to kissing, a 160-minute online video library, secrets of self-hypnosis, their very own personal email consultation, and much, much more! The "How To Be Irresistible To Men" Premium Course offers all women – single or not - a dynamic and comprehensive toolkit to attract love into their lives and establish strong and supportive relationships.

You can learn more about how to attract the man of your dreams and get the relationship you always wanted at:

How To Be Irresistable To Men

***********************************************************************************

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Why You Should Ditch The Rules

"Why You Should Ditch the Rules"

A long, long time ago, the path from courtship to marriage was clear. Women waited for men to ask them out, allowed men to pay for every date, and breathlessly anticipated a marriage proposal.

Back then, the rules of courtship were clearly defined. There were things a woman did ... and things she should NEVER do. Only a vulgar and shameless woman would pursue a man.

Many of today's so-called "time-tested secrets" for meeting and attracting Mr. Right come from that era, an age in which men were MEN, and women were WOMEN, and gender roles kept them an arms-length apart.

Playing by those rules today isn't just old-fashioned; it's just plain limiting. Today, we as women have more freedom than at any other time in human history. We can work in whatever job we want, live wherever we want, and date whomever we want! Why, then, would we willingly step back under the yoke of courtship Do's and Don'ts designed in a culture that's long past and good riddance?

Because, in the often-confusing modern dating world, rules make us feel safe. Do's and Don'ts can keep us from making mistakes. Dating "rules" (like ending a phone call first, or not accepting a weekend date after Wednesday) can prevent us from getting rejected.

Or can they?

If you keep yourself from doing certain things around men and make yourself do others based on FEAR that you'll make a mistake or FEAR that he'll reject you, then you're setting the foundation for a relationship based on insecurity.

It's the same error our grandmothers and great-grandmothers made so many years ago: they looked to the MEN to define whether they were in a relationship, what form it would take, and how long it would last.

As a result, the only way women were able to influence the outcome was through indirect means – such being mysterious, playing "hard to get," and not letting on how they felt – to get what they wanted.

Today, it's wonderful that men and women both can be so open, honest, and direct about topics that were taboo just a few generations before. But with this freedom comes power ... and a great deal of confusion.

Even though the old rules were restricting, at least they gave us the confidence of familiarity. We knew what to do. We knew what the man's role was, and we knew what the woman's role was.

But if men and women each have an equal say in dating and relationships, then who is supposed to make the next move ... and what even IS the next move?

The old dating Do's and Don'ts simply are not flexible enough to account for the way society has changed and the diversity of cultures that exists.

That's why I believe it is so important that we develop a new paradigm for dating and relationships that reflects who we are as modern women in a modern dating world.

That's why Amy Waterman, author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men," and Marie Forleo, author of "Make Every Man Want You," got together to produce a dating course unlike any other. They set out to show how women can find out what to do in ANY dating situation, in a way that's appropriate, effortless, and completely IRRESISTIBLE ... all without resorting to outdated Do's and Don't that may not even apply to them!

Their collaboration resulted in the riveting audio program, "Make Every Man Want You MORE!" Over the six-lesson course, Amy and Marie lay out the essential tools every modern woman needs in a modern dating world, what it takes to move a relationship along from casual to committed, how to navigate tricky dating areas like communication, sex, "baggage" from your past, and more.

Single women today can feel enormously pressured to live up to a high standard in ALL areas of their life, from their careers to their appearance to their love life. If you don't want to settle for anything less than excellence in life AND love, then "Make Every Man Want You More" will teach you how to effortlessly and flawlessly achieve your goals.

Find out more by going to:

Make Every Man Want You More

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Being the Bad Boy

How to Attract Women: Being the Bad Boy

It seems that when it comes to men chasing women, guys are divided into two camps: the nice guys... and the bad boys. This is a very extreme way of looking at things, making men think that they have to make some huge decison with serious repurcussions, like choosing between the Jedi and Dark Side, good and bad, black and white. But what about the middle ground? If you're a nice guy who puts women on a pedestal and lets them get away with everything, you certainly can't let them keep doing this. But if you're a bad guy who treats women like yesterday's garbage, you're not gonna do much better either. So there's got to be some compromise. Here are my seven proven techniques for getting women by embracing your "inner bad boy"--while still allowing yourself to be you.

1. Surprise them.
If there's one thing girls love, it's a surprise. There's nothing better than keeping them on their toes. Do this by going against social norms; for example, giving her the "black power fist" when she's expecting a handshake. Or walk up to her and challenge her to a game of thumb wars. As you're having a great conversation, say you've gotta leave. This all goes a long ways towards making her heart flutter, and making YOU more attractive--without being a complete dooschbag.

2. Do the unexpected.
Unfortunately, nice guys always do what they're SUPPOSED to do. They say hello, ask sincerely how a girl is, stare in awe as she says she's a model. BORING. Nah, you've gotta release your inner bad boy by doing the stuff you're NOT supposed to do. Show her you're fun, show her you're fearless: flirt shamelessly, grin at a sexual comment, tease unabashedly. You don't have to be a complete jerk to do these things, just a guy who's confident that he'll get away with things that aren't "the norm". Girls love to not know what to expect, so do the unexpected!

3. Be a rebel.
I'm not saying to break the law, but don't always go by the rules. Show her you're fun, break conventions here and there. So what if there are people watching! Give her a big kiss in the middle of the street. So what if boardwalk is closed? Take her for a romantic midnight stroll Who cares if the speed limit is 50? Drive her at 75 and watch her scream in delight. You don't have to be a complete jerk to show a girl some fun.

4. Get physical.
If you're not already at a gym or into martial arts, now is the time. Girls love a guy who can kick butt. It's the part of the bad boy that makes them feel safe and secure. So get to work on your body--nothing says irresistible like a man in shape who can kick some butt.

5. Make her feel safe.
Show her your confidence, your self-assuredness by taking her hand, walking on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street, and never backing down from any situation. That's not a license to get into fights, just to make her feel protected.

6. Tease.
This is a strategy you can't go wrong with. Bad boys never let a girl get away with unacceptable behavior. If she's talking like she's the greatest person ever, they'll joke, "Man, if this lady's ego gets any bigger we're all gonna have to evacuate!" If she says she's a model, say something to the effect of, "Oh yeah? Is that it?" And show her your value by saying, "Listen, I'm afraid I'm not gonna be able to stay around. Your mouth is destroying my ear drums." In other words, don't be afraid to joke around and put her in her place!

7. Develop attitude.
I just can’t emphasize enough how crucial having a winning, confident attitude is. You don’t care what others say. You don’t care what others think. No matter how a woman reacts, it just blows right over you. That’s because you’re always in control. No woman—whether beautiful, popular, or rich—has power over you. You don’t need anyone, you’re not dependent on anyone, and you don’t have to cling to anyone. If she thinks she's too good for you, you get right up and move to the next girl, because you're a catch and you know it!

Remember, you don't have to be a complete bad guy to get the girls. Just embrace the winning characteristics of bad boys, and you'll be lining up women left and right!

Don't forget, if you want to learn more about using "the inner bad boy" to attract more women, visit my website at:

How To Be Irresistable To Women

Now it's YOUR turn!

********************************************************************
About the author:

James is the author of the latest edition of "How to Be Irresistible to Women PREMIUM."His years of dating experience and international travel have tutored him in the art of meeting and seducing females the world over and introduces a worldly approach to dating and developing real relationships necessary for the modern man.

The "How to Be Irresistible to Women" package offers single men a dynamic and comprehensive tool-kit to attract women and establish an honest and supportive relationship. You can learn more about how to attract the woman of your dreams at:

How To Be Irresistable To Women
***********************************************************************