Sunday, February 26, 2012

can men and women be just friends?

Sure mixed-sex "platonic" friendships exist theoretically, but in the real world, do they ever really work?

Before we delve into the answers, let's take a few moments to outline what exactly a platonic relationship is. According to the Webster Dictionary, it is "a close relationship between two persons in which sexual desire is nonexistent or has been suppressed or sublimated."

In other words, in the case of mixed sex platonic relationships, its having a best friend of the opposite sex who you hang out with without any sexual interest or involvement.

But what really happens when a girl and boy become friends? do they set the boundary lines from the start? What do they do about their attraction felt towards each other? do they pull back when they sense they get close to crossing the friend/relationship line? or do they feel that sex will not harm their friendship and indulge?

Men and women seek friends of the opposite sex for different reasons. for men, its the emotional aspect and gaining deeper understanding about the female sex from a womans point of view, which helps them cope in their relationships, and women because, truth be told, guys do tend to be less bitchy and emotional than their female friends counterparts, and can just be themselves more.

But my, doesnt the sex always eventually get in the way? we read often almost on a daily basis just how guys and gals start off being friends with the bestest intentions, then after some time, curiosity, vulnerbility, chemistry, a shift in the "just friends" agreement can lead to confused mixed feelings and how fast those that are "just friends" can progress and cross the line past the platonic stage, leading to sex and possibly regret.

I personally do NOT believe that deep down in the depths of our instinctual realms that men and women can be just friends. This was reinforced by my upbringing and my personal experiences and additionally what I have observed around me. Growing up as a 1st generation Australian, (whos parents still had their values back in 1950's Greece) my parents forbade me to have sleep overs with friends that had brothers. When I questioned why, the answer I got from my mother was you cant trust what guys will do. When I entered my marriage, my hubby was possessive and got touchy if I so much talked to my male neighbours, same goes for post-divorce boyfriends. An example when out one day, a friend I have known for years stopped to say hi and I didnt hear the end of it.

Then came my personal experiences. Guy friends that ive known for years, suddenly started hitting on me shortly after I became single. Some I rejected, others I indulged with and the friendship soon fizzled the same time as the sex did, reinforcing it further and I dare not talk about the few friends that were unfortuate enough to fall victim to their partners sleeping with their best friends, people they saw regulary and socialised with and are usually there for you. Sad.

To help me research this topic, I took it even further and started a twitter thread on this very subject. I wasnt expecting a great deal many responses, but ended up was totally overwhelmed with the different and varied answers I got.

This is the question I posed: Can men and women be just friends? have you crossed the line and happen to remain friends? or has sex ruined your friendship?

Most of the guys and a few females I tweeted with said they have had sex with friends and still remained friends. One said his friend was so hot, admits thinking about sex with her but hasnt made the move. He feels he has a good deal going, as he gets to 'hang' with her other friends that are also just as hot. I replied saying could this be a small element of show involved? like look you guys how hot my friend is? he agreed it could and further went on to say it could be a downside when your with someone. A female also said that she out of curiosity and chemistry, did sleep with her friend and they are now as close as ever. One guy said he slept with his friend once and never since and they are closer now even after 30 years past. One female even said shes known guys to dissolve the friendship once they find a partner prompting me to question a guys motives for becoming friends with women in the first place. I replied that guys might use friendship as a way "in", might have other feelings than friendship and eventually will want to attempt to sleep with his friend. I tend to agree with her. Some guys are cluee and know what women want, a guy that they can call a friend, when all along his motives can be quite different.

So there you have it. Some will argue yes, men and women can be friends and some say NO WAY. I am one of the latter. Even if the friendship does happen to survive the sex, will it ever be the same again? Assuming your wanting to keep the original agreement of having a platonic relationship, you risk emotions changing, knowing a side to your friend that you might even regret and the friendship part fizzling, with conversation afterwards going stale, and feeling uncomfortable doing just friend things together like hanging out.

You may as the reader, have other ideas. I would love to hear of your thoughts, please post below, even if we have already chatted about this. Thanks so much everyone for your input at twitter. Much appreciated!!

Friday, February 24, 2012

anal sex tips for beginners

I believe sex should be a loving, mutual, heart racing activity that brings couples together passionately and anticipating every move. Sadly for some, sex becomes routine, boring, predictable so its understandable that couples can cringe at the thought of climbing into bed with each other.

Do you always have sex the same old way? Never trying anything new? This is alot of the reason why relationships can go stale and have partners seeking sexual fulfillment elsewhere. This may sound harsh, but im not here to sugar-coat things or say things you want to hear. Here I speak the brutal truth. Sex gets boring = unhappy lovers = affairs.

Another brutal truth is: MOST WOMEN LOVE ANAL SEX! Yes, its true! We find it fascinating, stimulating, naughty but ohh sooo exciting. However, couples are lead to believe that anal sex is taboo, dirty, and only usually reserved for homosexual sex. Even though BOTH sexes desire it. Men often hold back for fear of being labelled as gay, they are wrongly lead to believe that if a guy has dirty thoughts of having anal, he must be gay right? and women for the fear of labelled a slut. They tell us that anal sex is painful, can cause injury and can become addictive, used in the place of normal sexual relations.

Despite all the touchiness around the topic, the desire for anal sex is strong.

Today I will discuss the subject of anal sex and how you can experiement with and enjoy this exciting alternative to sexual intercourse, and do it correctly with safety and enjoyment for both partners. The US Center for Disease Control determined, in a 2005 survey, showed that 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women between 25 and 44 had engaged in heterosexual anal sex; in 1992 a similar survey found that only 25.6 percent of men 18 to 59 and 20.4 percent of women 18 to 59 had. (reference: CDC).

So if your a beginner, how do you approach the subject with your partner? Well, there really is no right or wrong way about it. However, I believe confidence does come into play. Nothing turns a women off trying anal for the first time than having a clumsy, or shy-to-talk-about-it lover. You may have even attempted anal sex but have gone to fast and hurt her, so she maybe reluctant to ever try it again.

1) Communication. this is paramount!! dont be afraid to discuss with your partner what you desire, and want to try with her. Women do appreciate a guy who is honest and shows that his keen, no matter what the situation. She will feel that if you have taken it to the point of asking about what her feelings are, you obviously care a great deal and are receptive to have her suggest ways on how to improve your sex life. Get her to open up and tell you her true feelings about anal sex, and whether shes ready for it or not. Most women report powerful orgasms when engaging in anal sex, so it helps to have her guiding you. Does she have any fears about anal sex? Discuss these together and be understanding to her responses. Some of her fears maybe pain, mess, injury or STD's. Which I will discuss later.

2) Preparing. So im assuming you both have come to the decision of trying anal sex. Congratulations! So its very important to prepare. The most obvious preparation is water-based lubrication. The rectal passage lining has very little natural lubrication, so for anal sex to glide smoothly, its very important to have the correct water-based anal lube. The best lube for anal sex is water based not oil based, as it is non-irratative and longer lasting. Also when it comes to lube and condom use, water based lube doesnt weaken and erode the rubber like oil-based does. Very important.

If you are concerned about mess, then a good tip is to completely irrigate, clean and refresh the rectum by using a good quality anal douche. Alot of the concerns first time users have is of possible mess anal sex can have. An easy to use anal douche kit application will have you feeling cleansed and ready for any kind of anal play.

Safety is another concern. The anus can be sensitive. And because the anal passage has virtually no natural lubricant, it can be suceptible to tiny cuts and abrasions. This can lead to thrush and urinary tract infections, even though assuming you are with a committed lifetime partner. The best protection to use is a good quality condom. Not ribbed or spermacide lubed, as spermacide lubed condoms can be irratative. (remember guys, you cant get an ass pregnant lol). If you are going to be using fingers or tongues to stimulate the anus, then for added precaution, dams and finger gloves are recommended. Dams are thin latex sheets that are placed over the anus for oral-anal (or ass to mouth or A2M) contact and come in flavoured or plain. Finger gloves are individual latex finger gloves that are perfect for exploring and gentle anal play.

3) Anal Sex Positions and techniques. If you are a beginner, try experimenting a lil to find the most comfy anal sex position. Most start out with doggie. As this offers the best access for anal penetration and is visually quite stimulating and a powertrip for most men. Missionary and reverse missionary are also fabulous alternatives. With missionary, the woman is lying on her back with her legs drawn up and spread wide. This position is great for deeper penetration. Just make sure to go easy. A lot of trust is placed on her partner as she is almost rendered helpless and it can be tempting for her mate to be in total control of depth and speed. With reverse missionary, she is lying face down or with her ass slightly raised. This can be such a turn on as it gives access to her clitoris and g-spot, if her mate stimulates her with his hand.

Anal sex of course, doesnt have to be all about penetration. There are several ways to have fun with anal. Try anal finger play, massage, anillingus, teasing and caressing, medical exams role play, mistress/submissive play, femdom, gender bender games, anal gaping, anal masturbation play, male prostrate massage. The idea is to feel comfy and not be afraid to experiment and explore your wild streak. You will find anal stimulation opens up new ways to have fun and creates new fantasies that will spice up your sex life GUARANTEED!! Have fun!

For further reading and viewing I highly recommend:

>>>> The Better Sex Guide To Anal Pleasure DVD & Adult Sex Kit.

>>>> Anal Sex Secrets DVD

>>>> Nina Hartely's Guide To Strap-On Anal Sex DVD

>>>> The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Men

>>>> The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women

The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women